FoggyRock General Forum
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#1 2008-08-15 08:42:58
- ferg7328
- New member
- Posts: 4
Dealing with death
How do you tell a 6 year old boy that their grandfather had passed on and is not coming back? My falther in law passed away last night and my son was very close to him. We have tried explaining that he has gone to live with Jesus and won't be coming back. I don't believe he really understands whats going on. The other question I have is the visitation is in a few days and I don't know if we should let Avery see him in the casket. I just don't know if that would confuse him more. I know he would say that granddaddy is sleeping. Anyone else had to deal with such a terrible issue yet with their child?
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#2 2008-08-15 22:14:21
- striving
- Member
- Posts: 36
Re: Dealing with death
Look at your local library for a children's book on a child's level on death of a loved one, or do play therapy for him to understand
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#3 2008-08-15 22:15:39
- striving
- Member
- Posts: 36
Re: Dealing with death
P.S. Hospice actually has people who explain death to children, and yes if he doesn't understand I think viewing the body would be very upsetting. Why don't you call a children's specialist at hospice and ask their opinion?
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#4 2008-08-16 09:19:02
- shannonj
- Member
- Posts: 308
Re: Dealing with death
The only person that has passed away that my son knew well was one of his teachers...a young lady with cancer. Just a few weeks before, our neighbor's dog had died and we had many discussions about Holly-the-dog and why we wouldn't see her again until heaven. So, when Tasha the teacher passed away, Wynn immediately asked if she had gone to heaven to take care of Holly-the-dog. Of course, I said yes, and he seemed to process the event with ease. That was pretty much all the detail that he needed.....I don't know your son, but would suggest that you consider his developmental age when you are deciding the best way to approach this discussion. You say he is 6 years old, but his true understanding or ability to process may be somewhat delayed. I think simple explanations are better at this age, and that more detail can be given once the child is more mature....
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#5 2008-08-17 08:38:50
- wiifamily
- Member
- Posts: 17
Re: Dealing with death
My 2 kids with ASD experienced the death of their grandpa when they were 5 and 6. School was in session at the time and the teachers were good about finding books on death in the library. Our public school also has an autism library. We talked about g'pa going to heaven. We decided to take both of them to the visitation, but they both chose not to view g'pa's body. We explained that g'pa had a bad heart.
We had one major problem a few months later. My son swallowed a tooth and somehow correlated that to g'pa having a bad heart so he was terrified that he was going to die. He visited the school nurse several times to have her listen to his heart. He went through a long phase of constantly feeling for the beat and sometimes if he didn't think it was beating he would scream. My oldest son would tell him to jog in place then he was able to feel it beat.
Death for any child is difficult and there are many books out there that are helpful. Or you could draw a social story about it.
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#6 2008-08-20 23:21:44
#7 2008-09-25 01:13:57
- autti34
- Member
- Posts: 25
Re: Dealing with death
i think 6 is young to go to a funneal exply if it an open coffen nt or not .my mom was 6 when her dad die and she ask her mom when they were puting dirt on the coffen how is he going to get out .soan she saw him dead he die in the house she never got over it .i went to a wake it freak me out. maybe you can get a book on death and have him nbot go to the severice .at his age you dont understand death it has nothing to do with autism it more a child develomply thing
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