I had a dream last night TONS Of buisnesses were selling the puzzle peices and then they all put them together on a wall, in symbol of P.O.W's of autism. instead of names of people who bought them we had names of KIDS on them....it was a prayer wall of sorts, I woke up sobbing


in my dream a politition was walking away from an autism ralley, he was so half hearted about being there, (and it showed) I sat and watch as the crown milled with him being done, like this was nothing, like the parents, kids, family strutures ruined by autism were nothing important. I was literailly sick to my stomach.....i couldn't just stand there.... looking arounds desperate to do something I figured it was time this man KNEW and understood what autism DID to families, and that there were faces to go with this THING that had robbed us of our kids, and our next generation....I grabbed the man by the arms and just laid into him with words...I was going off on him, (about HOW DARE HE, apparently the title of this so called speach I gave him,) he couldn't look me in the eyes from his shame, I went off on HOW DARE he not look me in the eyes while he had the ability to do so and our kids didn't, how DARE he take for granit the ability to control going to the bathroom, or eating a variety of food, or feeling well, sitting and playing with his grandkids verses the alternitives we all have, how DARE he enjoy sleeping at night while moms get less then 2 hours of sleep while trying to calm or comfort a child in pain everynight, how DARE he enjoy the luxure of a clean fresh smelling room in his house while others clean fecal matter from their carpets and walls and celings, how DARE he go to the store and buy what ever is on the shelf while others spend hours reading labels, calling companies to find safe things for the basic necessities of feeding there kids, HOW DARE HE, have extra money to spend on things he doesn't need or want while we can't pay bills, give up houses, and retirement funds, and OUR futures just to pay for suppliments, meds, scrape to see specialist just so our kids can gain weight, function in school, talk, pay attention to life, not hurt, digest their foods, have solid stools, can say simple words or make requests for needs. HOW DARE he be so half hearted with his words with autism and how it effects america, when our kids HAVE no words to tell you of there woes, or how they fight for each one they have, while they drain the SSI funds for those retireing later, and live on disabilty and yet the serives are few and far between and after age 21 and they are disgaured as trash....while he puts on some special fundrasier for a CAMPAIN by people who have perpetuated some of the damage to our kids like drug companies ect.... at this point I am in a freezy and crying, the camara's are all on me, and it's being broadcast live. i am so worked up that I haven't noticed that the milling of people have stopped and everyone is stairing. parents of kids with autism that came to the rally in hopes of real change are bawling, connecting to all I am saying and amening it all....so I start pulling this man from family to family, starting with the ones closest to me, shareing their names, stuggles, listing what these families can't do, why and what programing they need that isn't being offered or not avalible because funds aren't there on a personal, state or insurence level, or workers not trained or avalible or lack of services providers. I do this with family after family so he see FACES of actual kids with autism, families members torn and crying from what it has done to there lives. then I look over and see my son who is sobbing seeing mom upset with tears that have soaked his shirt and he dodges towards me wipping MY tears away saying it's ok mom, you don't need to be sad anymore, my autism is gone, it's not here anymore.....and I turn to this man and say see THIS face, this is good old fashioned sacrifice.....not of YOURS, but OURS> we sacrificed our house, our kids college funds, retirement to get our son back.....we searched and begged for help., we pounded on doors and there was nothing....people, FAMILY turned there backs on us, Dr's booted us out of their doors telling us we were wasting there time trying this or trying that. that NONE Of this stuff is worth our effort or THEIR effort, BUT if we were willing to keep vaccinating, and just allow autism to continue to distroy our sons life and rob him from us and our family of BEING a familiy THEN they would support us.....this face (holding my sons face) is the face of change.....the face of standing up for our gut as a mom and chasing after it, giving our kids a future, a chance and living an americian dream, pursing happiness, freedom to BE a kid, standing up for freedoms to choices for our kids health.....this is the face or recovery. EVERY child in america and all over the world deserves this opportunity. are you going to give some half brained speach or really DO something about it........my son looked at the man and took his hand....he said mister, autism is poisen to america, will you help us.....the man shed a tear, hug him and walked away.

I never thought I would hear anything more until...

this man felt horrible and WAS guilted everytime he went to sleep, ate, shopped, sat with his grandkids, went the bathroom, laid in bed looking at his clean celing with out flung fecal matter hanging from it ect.....Oprah called and I first figured it was a mad attack from some high fuctioning families out there saying HOW DARE I pose autism as such a misery and they were all happy go lucky and loved how they were. only to find that this man had me come on oprah to aplogize on national TV along with a new bill for autism and our families, as well as money's that were donated to his campain from big pharamacies given to us to refund us for the 20,000 a year we go into debt plus pain and suffering as a public appoliogy saying he couldn't live with himself to keep the money. oprah was announcing the new scholarship program for autism, to help defer costs for families, allow for speical cleaning serves for fecal smearers, and respite care for those weary moms up late with kids ect. ARI was announcing to oversea a new scholarship program for those doing DAN with oporators standing by to walk any and all interested in the program through it, to connect them with certified dr's AND the government was funding and building branch places all over the country for biomedical hospitals of sorts with specialists at each working hand in hand with DAN dr's to FINALLY give our kids services, ALSO FREE and covered under this new policy.....saving a generation and a real move for change. I literally woke up to this soaked in tears......my whold body tremeled from the anger, from the relief of anger and real help and then I realized I woke up.....not wanting to be awake....